Dirty Hot in Tempe, Arizona

This last weekend, we traveled to Tempe, Arizona, for the USC v. ASU football game. Home of the "dirty hot" girls, Tempe is hot, dusty, and pretty much revolves around drinking and football at the ASU campus (For those of you who are unaware of "dirty hot" it's the girls with bleach blonde hair overlaying a dark brunette under layer. It is an epidemic at ASU).

November 6, 2009

We checked into the Four Point Sheraton on Rural Rd across from the campus. For $100 a night it was pretty nice and the staff was extremely helpful.

I was annoyed that since we booked on Expedia, I wasn't eligible for Starwood points. LAME. It was already really late so we immediately changed and headed out to Mill Ave, the street of debauchery.

Our first stop was Zuma, a sports bar on Mill. As luck would have it, our friends happened to be at the same bar! We ended up partying with them at their table near the door until one of them deliberately poured a beer on a "dirty hot"..... twice. We were promptly kicked out right after our friend had bought a whole round of beers. Not to be outdone, the boys popped the bottles into their back pockets and walked out of the bar.


We then barhopped to Mill Cue Club and The Library, but thanks to getting out too late the bars were singing last call within an hour so we headed back to the hotel. Not before we ate a street dog and took down two slices of pepperoni pizza each. The street dog vendor was awesome!


November 7, 2009

Slightly hungover, we woke up and walked down Rural to University on our way to our friend's hotel to sit out by the pool and begin the next day of drinking. What is it about college football that makes people fratty alcoholics? Thanks to the remains of alcohol eating away at my stomach, we were forced to stop at Chompie's on the way.

Chompie's is a New York deli in Tempe, Arizona (That should have been my first clue). It has a great atmosphere with an outdoor patio where we were seated. I ordered "Le Cafe Francais" which is crepes filled with scrambled eggs, bacon, onions, and tomatoes topped with goat cheese, parmesan and served with fries. I took one bite and pushed the plate away. The goat cheese totally overwhelms the taste of everything else and I LOVE goat cheese. Also, the "crepe" had the texture of a soggy burrito.


The boyfriend ordered the "Bagel Breakfast Skins" which are two bagels cut in half with the insides carved out and filled with scrambled eggs, bacon, onions, fries and topped with melted cheddar cheese and sour cream. This was more acceptable although by the time it came out it was cold. It took forever to get our food and someone seated after us was served before us. That pisses me off especially when I'm hungover and hungry!


After our "meh" meal, we walked across the street to the Quality Inn & Suites to meet up with our friends. We called multiple cell phones but no one answered. We decided to sit by the pool until they called us back. Once they did, we realized that we were at the wrong hotel laying out by the wrong pool. Whoops...

At this point it was getting close to game time so we went back to the hotel, changed and then took the free shuttle to the stadium. The best part about our hotel is the free shuttle. The driver is hilarious and will take you wherever you want for free. He even picked us up at 3am last night from the bars!

Immediately upon arrival at Sun Devil Stadium the boos began. It didn't help that the fastest way to our seats was past the ASU student section. One guy yelled down to my boyfriend, "I'll take care of her for you." YIKES. Finally, we made it to our seats which were AMAZING. Granted the stadium isn't that big so almost all the seats are good but these were great.


The game, on the other hand, was not so great. The final score of 14-9 Trojans was only because the awful ASU quarterback threw the ball right to one of our defense players who ran it back for a touchdown. Our offense literally didn't show up at all and our defense got penalties every other play. We did enjoy talking smack with the two ASU fans behind us who were a fun bunch. They booed every time their awful QB was put in. Poor guy!


Two major highlights of the game were the fireworks and the stadium food. They would set off fireworks any time ASU scored. For stadium food, they had chicken fingers, garlic fries, and a cart that had caramel apples and chocolate-dipped strawberries. They were outrageously expensive but I bought some anyway.

After the game, we went to a house party at an apartment complex near Taco Bell on Rural. It was pretty much 15 USC guys, an apartment full of "dirty hot," and me. The hour we were there featured one of our friends tackling one of the girls to the ground, a round robin of taking pulls from a fifth of Jack, and one of our friends making out with a random girl without permission on our way out the door. At least that was the dare, but he pussed out and just kissed her on the cheek. She was not impressed.


Off to Mill Ave we went already pretty plastered. We went to The Library and then to a club called Whip. We were there only momentarily because no one could stand anymore. We finally gave up and went home.


November 8, 2009

We woke up today feeling AWFUL. I don't think I've felt this bad since Day Three of Amsterdam! I had really really wanted to go hot air ballooning today but the only times available at 6:30am (which we clearly missed) and 3pm which would cut to close to our plane ride home. So, we decided to head into Phoenix via the tram and wander around to see the sights.

The tram is super slow, but cheap. It even provided a little entertainment when a guy got off who hadn't bought a ticket and was promptly tackled to the ground by one of the officials. Apparently, they take tram tramps seriously.

Unfortunately, downtown Phoenix is anything but exciting. We had lunch at Uno Chicago Grill. Maybe it was just that my tastebuds were fried but the pizza and chicken alfredo we ordered was pretty bland. My chicken was crunchy. It's too bad because the interior of the restaurant was really cool.


From there we went to the Arizona Science Center which is four floors of interactive science displays. It was definitely meant for people way younger than us but there were some cool exhibits. One should the vibration of a guitar string depending on how tightly it is wound and another was a 15 minute video about Arizona that featured an earthquake, heat lamps, and a little rain falling from the ceiling. You could also pay extra to ride on the tight-rope bike. In retrospect, I wish we'd done the 3-D shark show in the iMax theater there. Oh well.


Next we walked through Heritage Square near the Science Center which features the Rosson House built in 1895. You can take tours of the house but we weren't that interested.


By this point, we were bored to death and it was getting close to our departure time at the airport so we headed towards the tram. I took pictures of St. Mary's Basilica and Chase Field on the way.


While at the airport, I reflected back on the weekend. I have to say that Tempe and Phoenix, Arizona are two of the most boring places I have ever been. Granted I didn't do any outdoor activities due to lack of time but a nice hike still isn't going to get me to come back. I also was super disappointed in the food. Most of it was average if not awful. That is with the exception of Einstein's Bagels in the Southwest terminal. I had the turkey bagel sandwich which hovered close to excellent so at least I left with a good taste in my mouth.


Overall, I don't think I'm headed back here unless it's to see the Dodgers beat the D-Bags.

"Lovin'" San Francisco

Just got back from a weekend in San Francisco that originally was supposed to be all about the Weekender. The Weekender is the annual migration of all Los Angeles' USC Trojans to San Francisco to play against Berkeley or Stanford (depends on the year). With glee, we usually ransack the city, spilling beers, fighting Cal fans, and increasing the crime tenfold. But this year, we were overshadowed by something much bigger...SF Lovefest.

Imagine a seething crowd of half-naked people tripping on X dancing to techno while following brightly-colored floats down Market Street. It's like a crazy acid trip. I found myself walking next to completely naked men, staring at middle school girls in "pasties," and being groped by Teletubbies.


But before I show more pictures of the insanity on Saturday let us first rewind to Friday night when I arrived. After dropping my bags at the St. Regis near Union Square, my friend Lamb and I immediately headed to the Redwood Bar in the Clift Hotel for drinks. We met up with Knee, Santa, and Lion, who were already a couple drinks in - it was going to be a good night. A solid few drinks later, after I'd turned down a guy from Google and learned that turntables can be run by a computer, we left for Harlot, one of the current "hot" clubs in San Fran.

Harlot is not a large place. It is essentially made up of a small dance floor surrounded by booths downstairs with a small VIP balcony and bar upstairs that looks down below on the sea of dancers. Unfortunately, I was not having it with the strange men in the VIP area and neither was Lamb so eventually we said our goodbyes to the other girls and went adventuring. But not before I succumbed to a "street dog." For those of you who have never tried them they are the hotdogs sold from the carts on the street. Probably diseased but equally delicious when drunk.

Check out Harlot here: http://www.harlotsf.com/

I was still licking my fingers by the time we met up with our friend, The Shark, and his friends. They took us to Circa, which they described as a dive bar. The 9-0 is a dive bar. This place was, in my opinion, really nice. Maybe I have no standards, I dunno. It was packed. It might have been fun. I was reeling at this point and really just wanted to go home.


Circa: http://www.circasf.com/

Everyone else eventually felt the same way to we headed to the Shark's friend's place. On the way we stopped for doughnuts. I shared a maple bar. I haven't had a maple bar since eighth grade. I forgot how good they are!


The Shark's friend's place was AMAZING. It was a multi-level condo or apartment (I can barely tell the difference) with a rooftop where you can see all of San Francisco. I unfortunately missed the view because I was incapable of getting off the really comfortable couch. I did get a chance to reminisce with B's Australian friend who shares a mutual hatred for Melbourne.

Around 5am, we were sufficiently tired and taxied back to the hotel. Upon entry, we were escorted to our room by security. We still can't figure out if he thought we were hookers or squatters but he was definitely interested in seeing if we had a room in the hotel. Once Lamb produced her key at the door of our room he finally lost interest. Home safe.

The next morning, head pounding, we joined friends at Sears' Fine Food. They apparently have the best sourdough french toast EVER. Considering my unhealthy love of food, I would be the judge of that. Turns out, it's okay. I've had better, but I have had worse, as they say, but the ambiance of the place itself was stellar. I was mostly just impatient to get to Lovefest.


Judge it for yourself: Sears' Fine Food

Which returns us to earlier portion of my story - the naked men and groping Teletubbies. We watched part of the parade and then joined up with Mr. O'Connell and friends. They were like twelve-year-old boys in a porn store (If twelve-years-olds could go in a porn store). We followed them through the crowd as they jumped from costumed person to costumed person taking pictures.

Eventually, we made our way to the main Lovefest Festival. Essentially you follow the parade floats to City Hall and then they round up like covered wagons and you rage at the foot of the floats to music. It's a ten dollar entry to get into this portion of the event and it is COMPLETELY worth it. Just make sure you find an entrance without a massive line. We waited in a huge line at one entrance only to go to the next entrance over and walk right in.


We spent most of the time going from float to float taking more pictures of crazy people. Fortunately, the beer line is really short because everyone else is on drugs so I was easily able to grab a drink. Finally, we had made the entire circuit of floats and tested out all the music options. The Golden Gorilla float won based on their music selection. We spent the next two hours dancing our asses off.

Keys moments while dancing:

1. A man in a jean jacket who spent some time dancing on Slink's leg.
2. Another guy wearing beads who tried to seduce me. I quickly pointed out to him that I was wearing more clothes and was more sober than any other girl there and what the hell was he doing talking to me.
3. At one point I opened my eyes (I sometimes close them passionately while dancing) only to find myself face-to-face with a couple madly making out. I tried to escape by turning to my right only to find another couple making out and another and another. I was afraid.

At 15 minutes to 5pm, we finally left to make it to the USC game on time. I rarely actually go to the game when I go to the weekender because it is a such a bitch. So, Lamb and I headed to the Blue Light to watch the game with a bunch of friends.


The Trojans killed the Bears, of course. It was a pretty standard football-watching experience punctuated by a mysterious, deadly fart that cleared out our booth for awhile. Santa also attempted to drink a pitcher of beer all at once. It didn't go well. Somewhat tired we returned to the hotel to get ready to go out.

By the time we left the hotel it was already 10pm so we realized we'd need to just grab something to eat near Ritch Street, which is where 330 Ritch is located (the club we were headed to). Luckily, Santa works in the area and recommended a small wine bar type restaurant for us to eat, COCO 500. The waiter was kind enough to seat us and promptly told us we had five minutes to order before the kitchen closed.

I ordered the California Burrata salad with burrata, watercress, cherry tomatoes, grilled levain, and olive oil, and the roasted tomato soup. It was the perfect meal after a long day - comforting and fresh, yet not too filling.


The rest of the group ordered the Coppa Salami Pizza and the Braised Lamb Shoulder Pappardelle. They were both good but not as good as my meal.


We finished the night off with the Chocolate Ecstasy Cake and chocolate-covered frozen bananas.


See the full menu here: COCO 500

Sufficiently full, we walked down the street to 330 Ritch. Thankfully, there was no line. Unfortunately, there was a ten-dollar cover. I think covers are probably the most annoying thing ever. I'm going to spend an assload on drinks once I come in, why are you stabbing me in the gut with a fee to get in. GRR! It didn't help that the girls manning the front table were exceedingly bitchy.

Slightly annoyed, we wandered into the club. Thirty minutes later I still wasn't really feeling it. Then the song, "Shots Shots Shots" came on. Taking the artist's sound advice, we had some shots. Suddenly, the night was a lot better! We spent the next three hours dancing our asses off. The night ended with the lights in the club going on and the DJ putting on "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey. The entire crowd burst out in song. It was pretty awesome.


No night in San Francisco is complete without a trip to Mel's Diner. Their potpie is the best drunk meal ever and their milkshakes and pies are a close second. I wasn't terribly hungry but devoured an apple pie a la mode anyway.


Full of fatty foods we returned to the hotel and passed out.

Sunday morning, I felt like I'd been hit by a bus. We managed to drag ourselves out to breakfast at Cafe de la Presse. I know every time you read my blog I say the last meal I had was the best. While I'm saying it again. The presentation of the food was beautiful, the cafe itself was intimate and cozy and our waiter was both charming and honest. When Knee asked if the orange juice really was fresh squeezed he replied, "Usually it is but we've run out today and so the rest of the day it's Minute Maid." It was nice to have a waiter admit it since had she ordered it she would've been able to tell the difference. Santa also changed her drink order five times and he was super cool about that too. It really did enhance the meal. I had the Salade de Tomates, and my friends shared the Salade Nicoise.


Check out the menu at: Cafe De La Presse

We spent the remainder of Sunday shopping before heading to the airport for me to catch my plane. Just so you know the H&M and DSW in Union Square are amazing - way better than the ones in Los Angeles. I have never walked out of them empty-handed (This is also the reason that this coming weekend I will be sitting on my couch because I have no money left).


On a side note, the St. Regis in San Francisco is an amazing hotel. When my other friends crashed on Saturday night they provided a free roll-away bed. They also brought us toothpaste and a shower cap. And the best part was the remote control black blinds for sleeping late in style. Lastly, it is in a prime location for accessing some of the better parts of San Francisco.


All-in-all I anticipated this weekender at about an 8 on the insanity meter. It turned out to be at least a 12. San Francisco is an amazing city with so much to do and see. I didn't even do anything touristy and still feel like I saw so much of what makes this city truly unique. And I will definitely be returning to Lovefest every year from now on.